I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize