we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Less talking, more tequila
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I think people are normalizing furries
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
