She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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