I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
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