ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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