She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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