I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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