How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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