She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
zippers are such a cool invention
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
