Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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