First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
