You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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