i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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