The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
