Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
