i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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