Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
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