i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
