im about as happy as oj after his trial
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
