Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
