I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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