I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
