ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
