I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I need to calm my uterus...
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize