gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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