and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
