And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
