I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
