I am spending my child support on dildos
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
