She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
We need to get me chipped asap
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Text me some of your sweat
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
