after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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