My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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