Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
