Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
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