Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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