Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
