I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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