Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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