My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Randomize
