A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
