There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
