so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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