what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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