Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
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