I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
