since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
