i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
