after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
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