He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
