my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
