Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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