I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
