see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
i dont even know how to be here
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
