I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
