We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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