Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
