last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
