he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
where are my eyebrows?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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