got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
