dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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