Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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