Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
