the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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