Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
She announced her abortion via fbk
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
