I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
