No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Randomize
