So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
