I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
