I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
