She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
