so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
