Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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