what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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