I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
