this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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