I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Randomize
