Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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