I showed him my bush... on skype.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
