Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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