Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
