I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
