Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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