Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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