It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
