His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
