i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I AM VODKA MAN
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Randomize
