The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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