My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
