Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
