this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize