i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
