You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Randomize
