i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I fill condoms, not promises.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize