I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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