i always forget guys have bellybuttons
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
