Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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