Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
