whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
