After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
