Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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