Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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