fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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