Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
