I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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