My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize