Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
