Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Randomize