just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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