some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
