So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
