Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
